ខ្មែរ
English
When you’re in a relationship, especially one that is long term in a shared household, it can be difficult to discern whether you are both sharing the weight in responsibility whether it be financially, taking care of the children or home, or emotionally. There are roles each of you will play in the relationship, but keeping them balanced can be the key to a long and healthy relationship. While you may not be able to control every aspect of your lives, relationship, and what you do- there are small ways that can assist in making daily life feel fair and simple.
In history, women have generally had their role set in the kitchen, bedroom, and tending to household responsibilities such as gardening, grocery shopping, cleaning, and taking care of the children. Men on the other hand tended to take the responsibility of being the financial provider, handyman, coach, and being the lead decision maker in most things. These historical roles have created problems in partnerships as the world evolves and women’s rights and equality continue to grow and these restrictive roles that both genders are put in are unfair and outdated.
These set partitions between house, work, and family created blocks emotionally which led to less intimacy, sharing, self-esteem, and overall understanding of each other. How then can you connect with your partner and work together as a couple to decide what your roles are in the family or coupling? Define your places around your interests, strengths, and skills rather than traditional roles or what society may expect of you. Over time, it is likely you will reap wonderful benefits in your relationship like a more satisfying relationship, less hostility or anger towards one another, a reduction of stress, fulfillment in your place in the partnership, increased self-esteem, and a closer and intimate bond with your loved one.
To ensure that you and your partner both feel you are pulling your weight in all aspects, I may be good for your relationship and overall happiness to go over a few specific key notes that you may both be wondering about starting with the household.
Try these methods to find where each of you can support and provide in ways that you feel comfortable, confident, and fulfilled:
– Remove gender from tasks. Instead of thinking a man would do that” or “women should do this think about what you and your partner do best. Maybe your man is a great chef and you’re actually better at working on the plumbing- something that may seem like a new concept to many.
– See yourselves as equals. Develop equality by making important decisions together and discussing you opinion and why you feel a certain way about something. While you may not be able to find a perfect outcome- at least you will both feel heard, respected, and understood.
– Keep talking. Do not stop conversing about a topic even if it’s difficult, the expectations you have of each other are important to get out in the open especially about roles financially at home, and with the family
– Work on things and projects together. Not everything is a person job, there are things you can do together that you may even find enjoyable such as going grocery shopping or even folding the laundry together. It can be a moment of bonding that may be boring done alone, but even fun when partaking with a loved one.
– Maintain flexibility. Things may change over time and you might find yourself despising a certain task and same with your partner. Make sure that with your ongoing conversation you’re being open and honest about how you feel about your role in your relationship.
Once you’ve implemented these core elements into your relationship and daily life, you may see change- even if slightly and over time. You can also try this exercise to keep track of the things done around the house such as cooking, cleaning, childcare, shopping, and even maintaining an attractive household through décor and design.
Finances can be tricky and it may be best to bring in a financial advisor or mediator to help you both know where you stand financially and how you can both feel content and comfortable with where you stand monetarily. With money being the number one thing couples argue about, it’s very important that you have a stronghold on how you handle your money. Whether you both work, one of you works, and how you each look at money- you need to be on the same page and respect that.
• Household Tasks HIS, HERS, AND OURS
1.Inventory the things that are constantly done around the house for example washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom, taking care of your children, buying household items, cleaning, or cooking. Have your partner create a list of his/her list.
2.Once you have both finished your lists, compare and contrast them. You may both feel like you’re doing each doing uneven amounts of work around the home or even some of the same chores. Once you’ve completed the inventory you can focus on what you’d like to change about who takes care of different tasks or if you’d like to rotate once in a while.
3.Stay open to revising your lists. Wile one month you may feel like being the chef of the house and letting your partner take care of the garden, you both may want to change things up later. Seth a date and time to review your lists monthly and remember- doing things together can be quite the enjoyable experience.
