ខ្មែរ
English
I went to watch a movie at the theater this weekend to relieve some stress from work. I ran into a few of my friends, who had all come with either their boyfriend or girlfriend, and we started talking. At some point they looked around and asked who I was with. I told them I came to the theater alone and instantly their expressions were saying, “Are you psycho or something?”
For them to have such an intense reaction
just shows how unusual it is for a Cambodian woman to be single and still living her life.
But there are circumstances where I think it’s actually better to be alone or,
at the very least, not getting married.
I am the kind of person who believes that getting to learn about each other for at least two to three years before getting married is healthier. It is quite the opposite of the old Cambodian tradition—marriage first and
getting to know them later.
However, many young and energetic women prioritize work during an age that is also good to start building relationships, so balancing the two can be difficult. As we are so focused on work, with some of us sitting in front of computers for most of the day, when is there time left to build a relationship?
I believe there are a number of women who are like me: finding they are caught between pursuing a career and balancing relationships, and have chosen to remain single. I admit that sometimes it is quite lonely; however, it doesn’t happen to me a lot, especially because the alternative isn’t much more appealing.
In relationships, many times partners demand a lot, in terms of caring. Phone calls to each other to tell the story of their day and texting to ask what they have been up to right at that moment are typical needs while dating. And, of course, heading out during the weekend to the movies or to a favorite restaurant go along with having a significant other. Though enjoyable, these are all time consuming for a woman who is focused on educating and improving herself.
I believe there are other women who agree with me, and we struggle to break these social norms. Here, women are expected to be gentle, obedient, and beautiful. Only recently did schools stop teaching the Chbab Srey (Women’s Law), a poem of sorts that was written a long time ago dictating what was expected of a women’s behavior. This is an improvement because I think some of the expectations are unfair to women.
When it comes to relationships, this is especially true. I don’t like people controlling me, but I find that to be the norm here. It’s annoying if my boyfriend calls me at 7 pm to ask me where I am, and tells me that I’m supposed to stay home at that hour. Well, this society demands networking, doesn’t it? Sometimes, you’ve got to join some events at night and at 7 pm, the event has just started! And that is just what happens when we’re in the boyfriend and girlfriend stage.
After marriage, a woman has an even bigger dilemma: whether to quit her job to look after the household or continue working. I see a lot of women quitting their jobs after having a baby while their husbands go to work. To me, this idea isn’t fair at all. Why should a man be able to go to work, increasing his intelligence, and I have to stay at home all the time looking after our baby? I think child care centers could be one of the solutions.
And finally, men shouldn’t be intimidated by women’s intelligence. They think that being around an educated woman makes them look weak. Some of them have even come up with this idea of not wanting to be with women who are smarter than them. They don’t like it when women stand up for and argue their beliefs. While women are trying their best to reach high, respected positions, those men express sarcasm, saying that she’s going to be a spinster.
Why are we afraid to be alone if there is no man sensible enough to understand us? For those reasons, I am still going to the cinema alone. And that’s OK for me.
